never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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