How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
