this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
