Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
