She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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