I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
