I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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