at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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