I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
