my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
