Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Even my vagina gasped.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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