She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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