I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
