The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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