Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize