remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
