That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
