I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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