if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
