The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
