you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
