My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
