I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
