Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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