You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
