kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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