Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
