I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
