I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
