i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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