Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
