I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just google imaged poop.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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