no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
