Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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