I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize