So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
