I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
