I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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