I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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