You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
