Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
