Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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