so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
