O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
