My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
