I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the raccoons are back...
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