come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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