i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
