I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
