you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
