I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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