and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
