Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
