Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
