Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize