I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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