Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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