I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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