I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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