paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
