We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
