he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
