We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
