I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
