worst night to have a conscience
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
