so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
