I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
