I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wear drunk well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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